Editorial
Front Page - Friday, March 12, 2010
View from the Cheap SeatsWilliam O. “Bill” James, Jr
Herding cats
Bill James
I told a client the other day that leading a jury to a decision is a lot like herding cats. The more you do it, the easier it is; but there is still no way to know for sure which way they will go. In many respects, you can say the same thing about many and most things in life. There are few sure things beyond the laws of nature. Those are even hard to predict if you don’t have them memorized.
The problem with cats is that it is hard to tell exactly what they are thinking. After all, what do we really know about cats other than they like to chase string, poop in a sandbox, and chase mice in the cartoons?
Cats are generally cute, fluffy and feel good to the touch. But, you know what? I hate cats. I really do. They really seem to serve no purpose other than those things that I noted in the last paragraph. They would be better left in the wild.
My mild hatred of cats is a long and narrow road with short diversions into periods of time that I actually had positive feelings about individual cats. The first cat I liked, loved, was when I was somewhere around second grade.
The kitten was black and it was cute. It was actually the only cat I ever “owned.” I had been a dog guy up to that point. The cat lived maybe a couple of months and ended up buried on the un-landscaped side of our house.
I seem to recall that I was told it died because it “would not grow.” I didn’t know what that meant then, and I don’t know what that means today. The death of the cat scarred me very deeply.
Notwithstanding what I said above, I don’t think I really ever cared for another cat. Except maybe the time that Dr. Sammy and I took one of his old cats (he is a cat lover) and set it loose near a large apartment complex.
The cat was pretty sick and was set to be taken in to be put to sleep. One night after a Razorback game, we decided that the cat should be given the chance to live and that it would have a better chance where a lot of people lived. We opened the cat carrier and the cat ran away. We decided that we may have made a mistake and chased it, but were unable to catch it. For a sick cat, he was very fast. We went back the next day and there was no sign of him.
I heard a rumor he caught a freight train up to Missouri where he married and had kittens. We are not allowed to talk about this incident at Dr. Sammy’s house as his wife goes ballistic at the mention of the cat that chose to live.
My children had a cat once. Patti found it somewhere and spent about $150 on shots and cat stuff so it could live in our home. The next weekend we went out of town and we left the cat on the porch with food. When we came home, it was gone. Our neighbor confessed that he found the cat and did not know it was ours, so he gave the cat away. We did not even bother to go get her.
The uneaten food for the cat did begin to attract raccoons to our deck. We would put the food in front of the living room window and William would enjoy watching them. We fed them there for about a month until some crazy albino moon-eyed racoon came by to eat. We then decided that bringing wild animals to our deck was probably not the best idea. No more food left on the deck.
Thinking about all this has made one thing very clear to me: I have never actually tried to herd cats. Except for chasing the cat I set loose, I have never even chased a cat unless it was out of my garage.
Even though that is the case, comparing herding cats to other tasks in life can be a useful illustration when one is trying to make a point. In the CHEAP SEATS, we need all the help making a point we can get.
Share
|